Love, etc.

I'm beginning to adapt to this.. single life thing. Actually sometimes when you think about it, it's not about losing the one you love that is difficult. Well, I wouldn't say that it's easy, matter-of-fact, it is just simply heartbreaking. Not difficult, but heartbreaking.

Anyhow, I was just talking about not losing the one you love that is difficult, it's just changing your lifestyle that makes it so difficult. It's human nature isn't it? To feel disturbed when your life's equilibrium (sorry, Chemistry) is being disturbed. There's actually this theory (again, sorry) that can somewhat explain what I mean.

If a chemical system at equilibrium experiences a change in concentration, temperature, volume, or total pressure; the equilibrium will shift in order to partially counter-act the imposed change.

Sometimes.. I honestly feel quite lost at where to start and what to do at some point of time. Have you ever felt like you just didn't know what to do, and you don't really have anything to look forward to? I felt like this before and I must admit, I still feel like this once in a while.

experiences a change

Nobody likes change. Okay, I lied. The world is a really, really huge place with tonnes of people. So, we definitely will have a handful here and there who enjoy changes. I enjoy changes too, but only those changes that I deem to be rightful. Let me rephrase. Nobody likes unexpected changes. Changes that can cause an impact in your life, or to your emotions. But we can't really help it isn't it? We have to go with the flow.. figure out ways to adapt, to live as close as possible to how you were before the change. This is difficult isn't it?

to partially counter-act

Unlike a chemical reaction, our lives are not that predictable, not that theoretical. It's not so much about equations and definitions. It's about feelings, emotions.. and love? I'm not talking about the way you love your boyfriend. It's love on the whole. Love is not just a feeling.. It belongs on its own because it has so many subsets. Love for your parents, your siblings, and even your pets (my Xiaohei!). Why do we argue with the ones we love? Why do we have breakups and divorces? Is it to counter the change you received? The hurt? The betrayal? Maybe it is, I do not know for certain. But why must we act adversely?

The middle part about that Chemistry thing, it's just.. fuzzy thoughts that came to my head when I had way too much free time today. I really had a lot of free time because normally on such a Sunday, I would go to Weicong's house. But it's different now. It felt a bit odd, but I managed to tide through it by watching a lot of cartoon and finally, I couldn't take it, I went for a walk.

It's funny because I know I'm still me, but I feel completely different. I'm not sad or teary or emotional. I just feel different.. You know, like someone shifted your bed around and you'll feel a little odd and out-of-place when you lie in bed at night. But give yourself a week or so, and you'll be sleeping so soundly, it's like as if nothing ever changed.

I told Bernice before that this whole thing already became my default setting. Not akin to a routine. More like part of my life. Like how you'd wake up and head to the toilet to wash up. It's the same. But because it's life, you'll be subjected to changes. I might want to pee first before I brush my teeth. But on some days, I might wake up, dehydrated, and I'll find myself crawling to the kitchen for a cup of water.

It's not difficult for me, I just felt like talking like a social worker. Hahahh!

I miss you.