I love you

It makes you do things you've never thought you'll ever do. It makes you feel emotions rushing through your entire body, emotions you've never felt before. It makes your fingers move unconsciously, stringing words together with meanings you've never thought you knew. It makes you cry yourself to sleep, dream about absolutely nothing, yet wake up in the morning to find that your pillow is soaked.

I had my chance but I blew it time after time. And now, I've lost you, not physically but emotionally.

I hope I might be able to salvage of what's left. It's not a lot, but I'm thankful there's still something.

I guess I took too long to find out what it really means to love and be loved in return wholeheartedly. I won't say that I have absolute understanding or anything, because I know I don't have it.

But at least I've already grasped the basics.

Now I finally know why you were always upset whenever we have a big fight and I get over it so quickly. It's near impossible to not think about, to not feel the same insecurity over and over again. You were always lying whenever you said it's okay and that everything is fine now. It's not. It's so hard to say it's okay when it's not.

Each time I think about all the hurt I've put you through even after you've gave so much, I can't help but to feel that I'm unworthy of this relationship. And you're right when you said I brought this to myself. I did. I just hope now that I can make it up to you before you decide to go for good.

I know why each time you would ask me back even though you felt that I didn't love you anymore. Now I just want you to stay even if I know you're not happy. It is selfish of me.

I find myself typing things you've typed before. Things that I've cried while reading only because I was so touched by the words. But I've never exactly understood why you type them.

Now that I know, I feel that it's too late. Too late for a happy reconcile. I now have things to do, love to give, love for you to receive.

I'm sorry for taking so long.. I'm sorry..